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My premise is simple.  The purpose of looking thru the prism of leadership is to create a path to pain not to excuse responsibility.  Using the family systems theory, according to Edwin H. Friedman's book Generation to Generation (1985), let's examine how seriousness may sometimes be the problem and how playfulness acts as the culprit as well.

The biggest challenge is to challenge the system within the congregation or the organization you serve.  Without getting stuck in a triangle between the organization, yourself, and the other person(s), and his or her failure to be responsible, is tough to navigate.  This requires the leader to non-anxiously tolerate emotional pain and to stimulate emotional pain, thus forcing the other to increase his or her threshold.

The way organizations approach their problems is often more the cause of their difficulties than the effect of the problems.  Imagine that.  For instance, tunnel vision only accents the problem and does not provide concentric ways to approach the problem.  Instead, in a family systems approach, as Friedman suggests, "any efforts directed at the seriousness itself often will eliminate the problem."

Let's say, for example, that a church is pre-occupied with changing demographics and population shifts within their community and ministry context.  They diligently seek to attract and assimilate a clientele just like themselves.  But the homogeneous make-up of communities, and families in particular, have dramatically changed due to the tough economic times and employment opportunity shifts in this decade.

What does all this say?  This says that this congrgation and their seriousness is characterized by the lack of flexibility in their responses to a changing community.  Now, their response includes a narrow repertoire of approaches with persistent efforts to try harder, unable to change direction which leads to a loss of perspective and concentrated focus.

As Friedman aptly points out, "Seriousness presents a paradox.  If family members are not srious about their responsibilities, the family may become unstable and chaotic.  But seriousness can also be destructive.  Seriousness is more than an attitude; it is a total orientation, a way of thinking embedded in constant, chronic anxiety."

Consequently, the antidote to seriousness is playfulness.  However, playfulness says Friedman, "is not to be equated with making jokes."  As leaders,  we need to be celebrative with those who follow us.  As leaders, we need to remain the calming presence and light-hearted.  Playfulness can effectively diffuse situations and problems already crystallized and have become too serious.  But keep in mind that playfulness does not mean being irresponsible.

Playfulness can help a chronic anxiety church, focused on their problems, to step down and away from their emotional ladder with a huge benefit.  "When playfulness is introduced into a srious relationship system, family or congregation, it can break the vicious feedback cycle that is keeping a problem chronic.

In other words, playfulness changes the balance of the emotional interdependency.  Changing the structure of one person,  involved in a triangle loaded with anxiety, helps another person(s) to function and to think differently.

Unfortunately, few religious traditions make valuable use of playfulness.  Or, is that the way that those of us who are responsible for our traditions perceive it?

Endnote
Edwin H. Friedman, Generation to Generation:  Family Process in Church and Synagogue.  New York:  Guilford Press.  1985




Barry is Founder and President of Ministry Indicators, www.ministryindicators.com a consulting group for churches ready for renaissance.  He also serves as a Pastor/ Leadership Consultant/Coach to the Missouri Conference of United Methodist Churches.  For comments and questions, you can email Barry at bwinders53@cablerocket.com